knowing you, not knowing you.

First off I really want to thank sagepixie for her comment on my blog post about child birth. It really means a lot to me, thankyou.

Today I was thinking about a blogger whose blog I check occasionally who is having problems with her pregnancy and I almost cried in to my cereal. That's when I realised how much I'm linked to people on the net. I have people I've known over years online, I've met some really close friends online, I worry about the health of people I've never even met and sometimes when I see something I immediately think of a certain online friend that i know would just love it. Being online has really taken me out of myself, opened up my life. It makes us bigger tah we usually are. And inspite of all the shit that's going on in the world right now, I'm really glad I'm born in a time when we are able to do that.

Expanding horizons.

I've joined the six sox knit-along group. Yes, and I am busy knitting the in my shoe sock. It's a clever little sock pattern and just right for hot humid BKK. I've already learned two new techniques: The la-link la-rink inc, and the magic cast on from knitty.com. I'm so excited! I've never done a knit-along before and it's fun fun fun. Yep, people in my house walked down to see me sitting in front of my computer, clutching a ball of yarn and needles nursing my obsessive little hobby like the knitting nerd that I am. Must resist urge to show off un-finished knitting to non-knitters who will look at me and slowly. back. away.

Sugar free

I don't like asking for help. That's one of my bad habits. I like to act like things don't bother me when they do. I sometimes say I'm ok when I'm not. Maybe it's because I was brought up to not cause a stink, to smile and say 'It's alright, I'm ok!' Rather than get everyone troubled over something. I could actually feel myself snapping shut when someone asks me how I am during a rough patch in my life. I hate telling people I'm struggling. But I have a feeling that I should train myself out of this habit sooner or later. So, I'm going to try to be as honest as possible on this blog. At least get it out somewhere for a start, then maybe I can apply it to real life.

So here goes:
- Remember when I gave birth to Mari? Well my birth experience was not perfect, it did not go as I expected, but it wasn't the end of the world either. But the truth is, I'm more upset over it then I've been letting on. Yeah, she's out and healthy and THANK THE HEAVENS for that, still some parts of the whole experience left a bad bad taste in my mouth. First off, I feel like the doctors could not or would not give me the support I needed to deliver normally. I feel like they were all pushing for a C/S. Three doctors saying the same thing. Shaving me and sticking an IV in me as soon as I walked in to the delivery unit was not so nice either. Not to mention that NO FOOD thing. I feel like if they'd let me have food then maybe I would have had the strength to keep pushing. The thing was I've never done this before, I don't know what would be dangerous what would put Mari in danger or me in danger. None of the doctors there were willing to support my choice to give birth naturally and as a first time mom, that's some pretty high odds stacked against you getting it done your way. I don't know why I'm re-thinking the whole thing, it's just that I've had this nagging little thought in the back of my head since the delivery and if I don't voice it I don't know when, if, it will ever go away. I keep justifying it, thinking that the people at the hospital were so nice to me the whole time I was there. But the thing is, they would be nice to you wouldn't they? You just payed them to cut your stomache open. Meh. The incision still hurts from time to time, less now than before. But still. It kinda stings.

Trashy trashy

I'm watching trash TV with my sister. I can not focus...

OK. Here's some new pics of Mari instead of the serious entry I planned to write.



Ooh! And just look how big she's getting.
Here's her at 1 month:



At 2 months:



And now at 5 months!:

Thud.

^ That's the sound of me falling off the wagon. The posting-regularly-wagon. But I'm climbing back on board. So. First, some random things:

-Mari is now 5 months old. She wakes up at 4-5 in the morning everyday and hits me repeatedly with her hurty little fists to wake me up. Then when I don't she will complain loudly "WHOOOO!" she goes, "AhhhhhMEM!!". Non stop till I obey her and get my lazy mummy butt out of bed.
-I'm swamped in work.
-I ate moldy Tacos yesterday. Yuck. Bright side: I do not have mold allergy.
-I want to sign with Mari but i forget every damn time. I get in to bed at night and go "Doh! I did not sign once today."

Little madame is complaining. Gotta go.