My first break up letter

CNN, I'm terribly disappointed in you. All this time I've heard from others that you were shallow sensationalist gossip peddlers and I dismissed those views for years because I enjoyed your reports. But today after living through the real situation and seeing with my own eyes what really happened and then to see you and your so called "reporters" dishing out biased half truths to the international public time and time again. You make me sick. I came here to see if there is anything decent that you can offer and, lo and behold! The main story I see on the front page about Thailand is a stale day old interview with... wait for it... a motorcycle taxi driver. About how he narrowly escaped death. How quaint. Not about the arson, not about the collapsed buildings, not about the smoldering ruins of Bangkok. I expected more of you. So this is it CNN. I am now an ex-viewer because I seriously can not trust you to tell me the truth anymore. And that's what we all look for in a news channel, The Truth not entertainment which is the only thing you seem capable of distributing now.
(I took the time to sign up to send this post because I really need to call you out, but trust me all the e-mails or newsletters you're going to send me from now on will be promptly DELETED)

Eep.

The new issue of Thailand's Elle Decor came out today. And I'm in it. Eeeeep. They came and interviewed me last month but somehow I didn't wrap my head around the notion that I would actually be in the book. Yeah, somehow I believed that they would come all the way out here, photograph me and a bunch of my work and just drop the whole deal on a whim. Now that I bought the book there is a whole page with my picture on it complete with interview and the name of this blog. O.M.G must update blog with some kind of crafty goodness before folks who buy the book check this blog out and see all my random rantings and ravings. O.M.G. Oh. My. God.

Seeing dots

Mari's new dress. It's really floaty and very simple. I finished it after months of hibernation.


BIG smile!




Looking out over the Chao Phraya.

shattering

I finally broke down and talked to the Mr. about all the shit we're in money, distance, my inability to trust him to take care of us etc. It was hard. I pride myself on being able to take care of me with out anyone's help, so it was tough saying that I needed him to be here or at least be there for me as much as he can even if he's all the way over in Japan.

I feel like we haven't talked for so long. I feel like I've only just now been able to let go and tell him everything. Even though I've always believed in being honest to one' partner about everything in a relationship, the distance and the sheer amount of other problems prevented me from talking to him. I always thought he might not be able to handle it somehow. Like it would only trouble him more because he's by himself, far from home. Stupid stupid stupid. I know. The worst part is that I knew all along. It turned out that honesty, as always, is the best way to go.

We finally connected after so many weeks of just mumbling hellos through skype. I finally felt a crack in my armor. A trickle of feelings I thought I no longer had in me. Do you remember the bit about how the frost melted and winter crept away from Narnia? It felt just like that.

I think we're on the right path.

Gathering my thoughts.

Thanks to all who have commented and e-mailed me. Rock bottom is not so bad. It's scary admitting that you've arrived there but once you have time to look around and try to find your footing it isn't as bad as one would think. There are some bits of sky to be seen, even from here.

This week I managed to finish a dress I was making for Mari which had been hibernating for months. We then took a walk to the river together and I took some pics of her. I'll post it soon. It's a really simple wrap dress, but I've just been so busy with work and home that I didn't have the time or concentration to finish it.

Work has been good. I finished all my paper work on time for the end of the term and we now have one delicious week of vacation ahead of us. Today was the last working day of this term and we cleaned out the classroom and organised. I got to spend most of the day making primary colored stuff out of recycled cardboard boxes, paper tubes, construction paper, and colored tape. It was so satisfying. It's strange how simple crafts like this fills you with simple happiness. I don't think I ever got over the crafting-with-house-hold-stuff addiction I picked up reading highlights back in the 80's. I made a colored pencil holder from left over toilet paper tubes and I organised all the posters for the boards and put them in old cardboard boxes wrapped up and illustrated.

There are still moments when I still need to breath in to a brown paper bag, and moments when I still don't know what the next step will be. But I'm finding warm and happy bits here too,strange rocky bottom that it is

rock bottom

My life has hit rock bottom.Let's just say I'm in a lot of trouble. But I'm trying to dig my way out.

dig

dig

dig

See you when I reach the other side.

Changes.

So, I've been MIA for a while. We've had some hard times these last few months and I've been really worked up about money, I tend to shut down when I'm depressed so I sort of stopped writing. I was struggling and struggling to make ends meet and save enough money for my insurance. I got screwed over pretty badly by said insurance and a few other financial mishaps :S But finally I got a break. A pretty big one too. I applied for a job and I got it!!

I applied for a job teaching English at an alternative education school. I was thinking of sending Mari there when she starts kindergarten but we just don't have the $$$ So while I was looking for work I checked out their website and there was an opening, I jumped to send my resume and after a few days of tests and observations I'm in!! WOOT!! I now have a stable income! And a secure job! This is such a blessing.

Other reasons this job rocks:
-They have a weekly farmer's market in the school area with fresh organic vegs and eggs.
-They have daycare service for staff member's children for only about $60 a month! Right in the school so I can walk over and check on Mari whenever I have time.
- $15 a month covers our breakfast and lunch at the school cafeteria every working day.
- This school has their own recycling center and composting program, almost all of their waste is recycled.
- The school is in a large woody area and encourage the children to learn outside the classroom, a lot of nature based activity that's soo important to me.
- Now that I teach here Mari can go to this school for only 20% of the full price. Which means I can definitely send her here.
- The other teachers seem really cool.

I could go on and on. I'm just so happy. Right now I'm really busy moving my stuff to my dad's condominium which is near the school so I'm excited about having my own space again too. It's such a HUGE change, but a really good one!